C is for Confidence

Self Confidence is key! 

Yes, you've heard me talk about it before, and that's because it is so important to living a fulfilling and happy life. 

As children, most of us run around without a care in the world. We dance in the rain, we run naked through the house, we say what's on our minds, we walk into a room and don't care who is there, we throw on the wildest mismatched clothes and still feel like we look fierce. All of this, until the stereotypes and pressures of society creep into our lives. 

We don't lose our confidence because of ourselves, we lose it because we believe other people's opinions of ourselves rather than our own. 

In my Living Boldly Group, I share with you tips and strategies on how to become more confident, but I want to give you a little peek here since you did take the time to read this blog ( Haha, and thanks by the way) 

if you like most women, often you diminish who you are and behave in ways that are not in alignment with your true self. Why? Because we are either attempting to please others or we are afraid they won't like our "true" selves.   The irony in that is, if they like our "fake" self, well, what's the point? Who wants a fake friend?  Isn't it better to be disliked for who you are than loved for who you are not? Listen, you might be the sweetest, juiciest peach in the world and there will be some people who just don't like peaches - and it's OK.

Think about that...

Let me ask you this:

Have you ever heard things like:

"You should smile more."

"You talk too loud."

"You should wear something more age-appropriate."

"If you eat that you'll get fat."

"Stop being so sarcastic."

"Your accent is funny"/ "Why do you talk like that?"

"You have no sense of style?"

"Why are you so sensitive?"

"That was a dumb decision."

Honestly, the list of criticism goes on and on! 

With each comment, we tweak who we are more and more, and what's crazy is that it happens so slowly we don't even realize it. Then one day, we reflect on who we are and have that realization "I don't even know who I am anymore" 

This is what I want you to do.

• Find a quiet area, wherever you can find a peaceful space.
• Think about those things I listed that resonated with you, or maybe some other things popped into mind.
• Take one statement that someone has said to you that you have held on to as if it defined who you were.  For me, it was "You're annoying." Hell, maybe I was! Maybe I asked the same question too many times, maybe I asked too many questions, but the truth is, it doesn't matter.  I get to choose if I want to let that comment affect me today. Likewise, You get to choose what you believe about yourself. 

YOU get to decide who you want to be and how you want to show up, you decide what is appropriate for you to wear, to say, to do, to ask, and how often to do it, etc. 

You get to be YOU.  Maybe the person making the comment believed they were helping you, maybe they just had a bad day, but the bottom line is, YOU get to decide who you are.

YOU get to decide what you believe about yourself and everyone else gets to be wrong about YOU.  

• This one's toughy....the action part always is!  Let it go.  Yes, let it go. If you follow the model, you know that our thoughts create our feelings, and therefore, nothing anyone says can hurt us, or make you feel any certain way. Words are just words and words don't hurt. That's good news, right? That means, you control how you feel, and in doing so you take back your agency in your life. You are responsible for how you feel.  
• The way we grow and move forward is by becoming aware of those sneaky thoughts that have become beliefs over time. Those ones that I listed previously.  We don't even know how much we buy into them. Step one is your awareness of your thoughts about yourself.  So, now, you have acknowledged the times in your life where you may have diminished who you are to please others. Moving forward in life, these moments will be easier to identify, and from that, YOU get to decide if how you are living aligns with your true self. This is how you get your power back. 

Are you ready to try? 

Please remember, to Love, Laugh and most of all Learn to Live Boldly

Jill

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